So its a week to Christmas day. I really don't feel anything towards it at all. It means nothing to me which is so strange. I don't hate it but I'm not looking forward to it, I have no feelings whatsoever, but I suppose a large part of my life feels like that too. Its nearly 8 months since Vic died. I can't believe its been that long since I saw him. At this point in time it seems you reflect back on "what you were doing this time last year". Going through hell is all I can remember which is why I just don't feel like celebrating. Vic absolutely loved Christmas and I know he would be cross I didn't get a tree but all I can hear him saying is can't we chuck the tree out its making me feel claustrophobic. I remember putting the decorations away knowing it was unlikely he would ever see them again.
Anyway, that's enough self pity, I really came on here to post a picture sent to me by the staff on D9 who looked after Vic. They have now had their night out on him. In the end they arranged two nights, one was in London to go and see we will rock you and the other locally at a restaurant to have a meal (which is where the picture is taken) both of which Vic loved to do so both were very fitting. The last thing he said to me as we left that ward for the last time was 'can we do something for the staff, they have been so nice to me and looked after me so well I really want to get them something'. What he really would have loved was to sit around the table with them, feeling better and able to talk to them, laugh with them and get them all a drink. He got his wish just so sad he wasn't there. They told me Tom raised a toast to Vic.
While I'm here and before I go I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. I didn't really get to write many cards its nothing personal I just can't be bothered meant in the nicest way. I sincerely hope you enjoy yourselves.
